Silent motions
by little princess
Summary: 1x2x1. DEATHFIC! PostEW Duo forgot about the war, not wanting to deal with it. Then someone suddenly shows up on his doorstep, ruthelessly digging up unwanted memories
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own gundam wing

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WARNING: this is a DEATH FIC! It contains the death of a character!

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Note: Thanks to deathsangel for het beta work and fot helping me with some difficulties! 

Silent Motions: Prologue

Damn it. Why did he have to come? Why did he have to be there now? Why couldn't he just have left me the hell alone? I had gone trough so much trouble, trying to bury that part of my life and I had even succeeded, but his presence just fucked that up for good.

It had been just a normal day for me, as normal as could get at least. Get up way too early, even before the sun, work my ass off for 12 hours, excluding the two short breaks to get a bite, get home, shower –it was Wednesday, I always showered on Wednesdays and Sundays– and hang some on the couch, watching TV, to fall asleep there instead of on the bed.

And then that damned consistent knocking in my dream.

Now, my dreams could be quite unusual and I knew it was because of that time I'd pushed away long ago, so I just let the knocking in my head go on, hoping it wouldn't turn into a nightmare. But it didn't come very regularly. You see, these sounds are usually constant and regular, patterns even, or just monotone, but this knocking was different. It was infrequent, the pauses were irregular and it didn't stop, it just kept coming.

Until I figured it wasn't just in my head. Someone was knocking on my door at... oh well, it was only 23:30, so I guess it could've been worse. But I was usually asleep by then anyway. So grumbling, I pushed the spare blanket away and forced my body off the couch. More knocking came anyway, the walls were thin, couldn't whoever was out there hear that I was moving?

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming, sheez!" It was never a good idea to wake me up. Whoever did do so had better have a damn good reason about it.

When I opened the door there stood a man. He was quite a normal guy, I guess, a bit smaller than me, hair tousled, which was common here on L2, dark pants, grey jacket, dark shirt or whatever showing from under it, that was all I could see from where I was standing. Couldn't see any features. He didn't do anything, just stood there, his hand held up as if he were about to knock again, but now he didn't move that arm down, didn't speak, just stood.

So I spoke first. "Yeah?" If I'd given in to my emotions I'd be yelling at him for showing up late at night, but I knew better manners than that. Whoever it was, no good would come out of provoking him. For all I knew he could be drunk as hell and thinking he was at his own front door. Drunken people were never good. I knew how I could get when I got drunk. Didn't want to say anything wrong to anyone who was as bad a drunk as me.

But this guy didn't seem to be at the wrong door, for he spoke. "Duo?" His voice was horse, just above a whisper, as if he were suffering from a cold or just hadn't spoken in a while, but I didn't care. He spoke my name.

I narrowed my eyes and hardened my grip on the wooden door. Was I supposed to know this guy?

"Yes?" I said, more urgently. I did not like being fucked with.

The guy took half a step forward, his face now coming into the poor lighting and I suppressed the urge to step back.

"It's m..." The voice stopped as I studied the face, the dark features, the piercing dark eyes, the dark hair being everywhere on his forehead He let out a sigh and I could see the warmth of his breath condensing in the cold night air. "Heero." He said.

He stressed the name, so that one would know he didn't mean the English word 'hero'. Quite a funny name to give to your child. Wasn't Heero some big important guy who promoted peace, or something along those lines? Well, this guy was too young to be that man, besides, if he were, he should've been buried below the earth. Then this person must've just had the misfortune of having an idealiser as a mother. Ha, to name your child after an ideal. Not my first choice if I'd ever have a child to name.

Anyway, the guy saw me shaking my head that it still didn't ring a bell and he blinked before he tilted his head a bit. "Pilot zero-one?"

Now that took a minute to get trough.

Damn it, all those images came flashing back at me, must've been quite funny for him to look at, but I never actually saw his face, for I stumbled back into the house, muttering probably incoherent things under my breath and I slammed the door in his face. I have no idea how long I stood there, just staring at the door, shaking, cursing and God knows what else, but when I opened the door again he had made himself comfortable on the scrap opposite of my front door. He looked up at me, as if I'd startled him in his thoughts, but once again he didn't move, waited for me to take the first step.

I started to speak, but I couldn't. I would've lied if I told him he was welcome, because really, he wasn't. Once I'd realised who he was again I just wanted to tell him to get the hell out of my life and stay out, but I'd start wondering and remembering anyway now, he might as well just stay long enough to tell me what he wanted. So I just turned around and walked back inside, leaving the door open. He understood the invitation.

I waved towards the couch to indicate he should sit down on it while I escaped to the kitchen. There I turned the water on to show him I was busy and leaned back against the wall, making sure I was out of Heero's sight. Then I tried to rationally get my mind to look things over.

First, there was a boy sit –excuse me, _man_– sitting on my couch, one I hadn't seen in what? Five years, at the least. Second, said man was from a past I had tried to bury so deep so long ago, a funeral I'd finally been able to finish a couple of months after taking over Hilde's scrap yard. I had pushed it all away, locked it up safely and thrown all the keys out of my life. Even Hilde was gone now, I thought with that there would be nothing left. Yet right now a key was sitting on my couch, digging up the box and opening it mercilessly right under my nose. There were reasons I'd wanted to forget those things, damn it!

But as if that weren't all, there's a second as well. If it were Quatre or Trowa showing up at my doorstep, it would not have been as bad as it was now. Because the second issue, however cliché, was that I had at one time been in love with this man sitting on my couch. Or at least I had a crush on him. Whatever it was I'd felt, it had felt real at that moment and the first time I'd felt something for someone of the same gender.

Basically I just wanted to curse him into hell.

Silence returned to the kitchen and it was only then that I realised with taking a shower and all I didn't have much water left for the day. I'd have to save it up for at least another fifteen hours before the tank would be full again, that was how things were arranged here on this scrap-colony. So now I was out of water as well.

Goodbye to my morning coffee, looked like I was facing a very ugly morning, first my past haunting me, then no caffeine to wake me up properly enough. Damn that Heero for showing up on my doorstep in the middle of the night and damn him for my not even remembering his last name!

I sighed as I realised I'd have to get back in sooner or later and then opened the 'fridge to see what was left in there, non alcoholic, of course. Orange juice? Was that the best I could do? Making sure I missed the date on the pack I poured two glasses and carried them back inside, only to find Mister fucking... whatever his last name was again already more than half-asleep on my couch, using the spare blanket. I gritted my teeth. Great, so now he was acting like he owned the place as well? I put the glass down on the table and just looked at him. He stirred a bit, then fluttered his eyes for a moment before opening them and glancing over the table, noticing the glass and turning his gaze to focus on me.

"'m sorry, did you say anything?" I blinked. No, I didn't say anything, I was dead silent, the house was dead silent apart from his shifting.

I crossed my arms and narrowed my eyes, then just mouthed a 'no'. He nodded and then moved to take the juice, while I was watching him. I tapped my foot on the floor, watching him, making sure it was only my foot that moved, but he did not react. I started humming, but he just stared at his hands, as if lost in thought. As if! Something was wrong here and I waited for Heero to look up, only to find he was glancing over my lips first. Only when he found those tightly shut, he moved his gaze to my eyes.

Then I mouthed him: 'Heero, are you deaf?' and watched his gaze shift down to my lips again.

He looked taken aback by it and suddenly seemed to find the simple glass in his hand very impressive. I moved to stand closer to him, to get his attention back, but he refused to look at me any further.

"No." He finally said. "Not... not permanently, they think... not 100 percent..."

Oh great, so now not only would I have to deal with my past in the morning, missing the pleasure of caffeine, I would also have to remember that this particular past couldn't hear anything. God, I desperately needed some sleep. I'd have a busy day tomorrow, luckily, I must add, I would have to pay for this piece of junk over my head one way or another. But I knew my biological clock had set itself to give me just enough time to rush to the scrap yard. I'd have no time to talk to him in the morning. And I refused to take him there in the morning. What to do, what to do?

Fortunately, it was he who got up and spoke first.

"You want me to leave."

It was a statement and a fact. Yes, I wanted him to leave. He knew I wouldn't lie about that, or at least he sounded like he knew. But did he really? Did he know me at all, me, the way as I was now?

So I told him when he was looking at me, could see my lips again. "Yes, I want you to leave." And I said more. "But I'm not allowing you to. It's not gonna help matters any. You're gonna sit back down on the couch and you're gonna fall asleep –real sleep, not that fake shit you just pulled– and you're gonna sleep tight. And tomorrow when I get up you're still gonna be asleep and while I'm at work you won't leave the house, you won't shower, you will get yourself something to eat and drink and then you will sleep some more. And when I get back from work you will answer my questions and I pray you are still there when I get back because now that you made this choice it's gonna haunt me one way or another, Mister Heero Yuy, or else."

Yuy! That was the guy's last name!

He looked ready to speak, but blew it off at the last moment to let himself fall back in the couch again, tiredly closing his eyes. I turned on my heels, convincing myself that I should be the one being pitied because I would be the one with the damn nightmares again. The only good thing about this situation was that he wouldn't hear it anyway because he was deaf or something like it at least.

That didn't mean I missed his 'sorry' on my way out of the living room though.

End of part I

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How did you like this? Are you bothered by the fact that Heero is deaf? Is tehre anything you don't like about it? anything else you want to comment? Please let me know. any comments are welcome 

princess


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own gundam wing

Silent motions: chapter 1

My night, as expected, had been pretty rough. Nightmares had come and gone, this time with actual faces dying, actual voices screaming and I couldn't do a damn thing to stop the hurt. And all that in the bare 2 hours I had actually been asleep. For the rest I'd been trying to fall asleep, only to have my thoughts do their own will and drift off to places I really didn't want them to explore. Needless to say that in the morning I was a wreck.

I had been quite surprised to find Heero was indeed asleep on the couch when I left for work, even more so when I returned and he was in the kitchen making food. He offered me the food and started cooking again, this time for himself. We ate in silence while I pondered on how to get all the information I wanted. My mind was still quite misty, but I could recall certain images, certain events from that damnable war we'd fought now. I just didn't understand everything I saw.

When he'd finished his plate and set it down on the table, I figured now would be as good a time as any, so I just randomly picked a question and asked.

"First the ears." I said, as I forced myself to look at him. "How bad is it?"

"I can hear a trucker's horn at approximately 10 feet away." I blinked. Okay, so basically that was as good as being deaf. I didn't tell him that of course.

"What happened?" If my memory was not messing things up I recalled Heero being the one despising weaknesses most. But then again, that could've been someone else entirely for all I knew. As I said, my memory of that part in my life was having a hard time surfacing. I still somewhere tried to deny it all, push it away as I had been doing all day so far.

"Mission." He made it quite clear that was all he was going to say about it.

"You're with preventers?"

"Yes."

That was something I didn't understand. I'd tried so hard to get away from that life, why would anyone want a job that just forces you to relive it over and over again? That could never be good, right? "Why?"

He seemed startled that I asked and looked as if he'd really rather not talked about it right now. So I muttered 'never mind' and instead asked him why he'd come here.

"Une sent me on vacation."

I nodded, then shook my head. "That's not what I mean, Heero. Why _here_?"

It took him a moment to answer, but it was not something I had expected him to say. "In the hospital, after Mariemaia, you were there, remember?"

Mariemaia, the... eve wars, little girl trying to take over the earth... something like that? Hmm, Heero in a hospital? No, I couldn't remember. I gently shook my head, feeling sorry for him as it seemed it had been an important event to him.

He sighed and looked away. "You promised then that I'd always be welcome to visit you..."

I frowned. I promised him that? Well, it did sound like something I could've said to someone who was in the hospital.

I glanced up at the guy on my couch. He looked... I didn't really know how to describe it, but something in my gut told me that there was more going on than he was letting on. It made me want to help him, damn that helpful side of mine. But he was as good as a stranger to me now, I knew who he'd been in the war, at least parts of it, but that didn't mean he was that man now or that I were whom he expected me to be. I didn't know if I really wanted to keep him here. He would just be a reminder of all those things I'd tried so hard to forget. But if I'd promised...

"Look," I said, and then realised he couldn't hear me and wasn't looking my way. So I placed my hand on his shoulder, only to be met by a stifled reaction. He relaxed soon enough, though and looked back at me, his face completely void of any emotion. It was almost scary to see him like that and a sentence just flew in my head. 'could you keep it down over there?' I frowned as all that I could fit to that sentence was the face I was looking at now. I pushed that thought aside and said what needed be said.

"Heero, I won't go back on my promise, you can stay here if you want." His face cleared up, but I wasn't finished yet. "However, I don't earn enough money to support both of us so you're gonna have to bring in money for yourself, even if you're planning on leaving in a week or two." It was true, Hilde's salvage business didn't make a fortune but now that things were going better I had planned on saving all the extra money. No doubt I'd need it later on.

He looked at me questioningly, but I just couldn't give in on this one if I expected to survive. "Look, I don't care how you get the money, whether you have savings or get a job or even rob a bank, but you will have to find a way to support yourself while you're here. Otherwise I'm sorry, but I just can't take you in." He seemed to understand that as he nodded.

"I'll find a job tomorrow." He said, giving me the weirdest look. Oh, I realised that with him being deaf it would be hard to get a decent job.

* * *

Heero did as promised, the next day when I came home he informed me that he'd found a job as a waiter. He could start this Monday and he'd get paid cash each Saturday and tips, unusual as those were, could be brought home at the end of each day. When I asked him if his boss was okay with him being deaf, he answered as long as he did his job the boss didn't care. 

That was one thing I was glad to have taken care of. My nights were only getting worse and I caught myself a couple of times thinking it wasn't so bad this Heero in my house was deaf. At least he wouldn't hear me tossing and screaming at night.

So starting that Monday we got into some sort of routine, living together, for however long this vacation of Heero would take. My work hours were much worse than Heero's so I'd be the first one up and the last one out each day, but Heero always made sure there was at least something to eat when I got home.

With a lifestyle simple as ours, it only took a week to get used to it and by the time Heero got his first payment, I felt quite at ease, coming home to find him there, waiting with some food for me.

Heero was a quiet man, I learned that soon enough. He answered questions, but never asked them, He did as I told him and he kept himself away from me, most likely feeling I was not exactly waiting for his presence. It had to be hard on him to see those little hints, I realised that, but since he showed up, I had been having a hard time concentrating on anything, including work. He must've noticed how tired I was each day from lack of sleep for he had dinner ready when I came home. Used to his presence or not, my subconscious was working overtime trying to let me relive all those things I'd tried to forget and my consciousness was trying at least just as hard to keep that all locked.

I stopped counting the days since Heero showed up as they turned into weeks and after about a month after his arrival I decided to ask him about his plans.

"Lady Une has no use for me without my hearing." Was the brief explanation. He still hadn't told me what exactly had happened for him to get in his condition and I'd left it at that, not sure I even really wanted to know. All he told me was that in time it should start healing on its own.

"But you keep in touch with her, I presume?" He nodded, answering he e-mailed her at the internet café each Sunday.

"Aren't you supposed to see a doctor about those ears or something? Or at least take medicines for them?"

He shook his head. "There's no need to contact them until I notice improvement. They cannot do anything until then."

Right. It sounded believable enough. I was no expert on hearing problems, but if Heero said this was the case, it could very well be so. And even if it weren't so, why should I care? The fact that I was beginning to look forward to coming home didn't mean we were friends or anything. I just enjoyed the thought of having a meal prepared for me, or so I told myself. The fact that it was served by a gorgeous man I'd once had a crush on as a kid had absolutely nothing to do with it.

It took me another month or so to find out something was wrong with the whole picture. It was when I proposed to do the laundry one night, as Heero hadn't been feeling so good. I checked the pockets before I threw the clothes in the water and what did I find? Cash. More than he made at the restaurant, I was certain.

I could have just gone and asked him about it, but I wasn't sure that was such a good idea. What kept him from lying to me? He'd been lying about his job, or at least to a certain extension, I guessed. I barely knew this man. He liked cooking, or at least he didn't mind doing so and he was certainly a hell of a lot better at it than I was, but besides that, he was just a stranger living in my house. A stranger I was starting to feel comfortable with. And I did like to know what kind of guy I was allowing in my dump of a house.

I had this guy. It would cost me to have him cover for me, but it would cost me more to just take a day off. My business was supposed to be open at all times, who knew what important customer could come by and move on to a neighbour when he found I wasn't open.

I went to find the restaurant Heero worked and asked directly for the boss, all the time making sure Heero wouldn't see me would he decide to suddenly show up. The boss was nothing like I'd expected, instead of the regular tall fat guy with too much facial hair that hasn't been washed in days, I was met by a scrawny little man. He looked as if he'd at least shaved himself somewhere this past week and there were no signs of cigars or cigarettes anywhere. He was dressed as a normal waiter, obviously helping out here himself.

"What kin I do for ye?" I stood up and met his eyes.

"I wanted to ask ye some things about one of yer employees." I started.

He sighed. "You a cop or anything? What did Simmons do this time? I swear I'll have his head!"

I was caught aback by that, but quickly recovered. "No, not a Simmons, Yuy. Heero Yuy."

"Hmmm." He seemed to think for a moment. "Yuy? As in Heero Yuy the peacelovin' guy Yuy? Nope, Dunno any of those."

I frowned. So Heero didn't work here at all? Things were getting weirder by the minute. I thanked the man and was about to walk away when he called me back.

"We did have a Heero here at one time, though. Wouldn't gimme his last name but he was a deaf guy so yer prolly not lookin' fer 'im."

I stopped dead in my tracks. Heero a deaf guy who refused to give out his last name? What was going on here?

"What can ye tell me about him? You sound as if he doesn't work here anymore."

The man sighed. "'Course he don't, I fired his butt the moment I found out about his ears! Things're hard enough 'ere as they are without havin' a deaf guy lying ter me."

"When did you fire him then?"

"Coupl'o weeks after he started here. Look, I'm sorry if he's yer lover or anythin' like that, but I ain't got no need fer not fuly functional people aroun'ere."

I understood what the man was telling me, for I was currently thinking about the same thing. I had no more need for a liar in my life than that man had.

I left the restaurant in a hurry, wanting to get home as soon as possible. I only hoped Heero wouldn't be there. I needed some time alone to convince myself that he probably had a good explanation for not telling me. The Heero Yuy my memory told me about never did anything without a very good reason. But what could be a good enough explanation, I wondered.

He wasn't home when I arrived and I decided to see if I could straighten things out. What did I have so far? Perfect soldier –that was a reference I could fit him for some reason. What else, pilot zero-one –Gundam called wing. Yes, I knew all this, I knew about Heero the soldier, it'd become only too clear those first nights. But what did I have on Heero Yuy the person? Was he really the kind of guy who would never lie to me without a very good reason or did I just want him to be that man?

The fact that I had once had a crush on him only seemed to complicate matters. What if all I'd thought of him back then was just some idealisation? He didn't seem like a bad man to me, but who knows how much looks can deceive. You tell anyone who sees me now that I am responsible for so many of the deaths in the war and they'd laugh right in your face. Nothing is impossible.

Heero came home early. He was quite surprised to see me there.

"You're home early." He said, as he hung his coat.

"I didn't go to my work." He raised an eyebrow at me as he walked further into the chamber. "I went to yours."

It took him a moment before he reacted. He turned his face away from me so there was no point in speaking. He couldn't hear it anyway. He walked to the kitchen to return with some soda for both of us. That was one good thing about having him here, he had time to shop for groceries. Not that we could afford much, but at least it was better than coming home to find I should've gone shopping three days ago.

"I'm sorry." Was all he said as he handed me the soda and sat down in the chair opposite of me.

But it wasn't that easy. "What have you been doing all this time if you don't have a job to go to?"

"Looking for a new one."

"Did you find one?"

He shook his head. "Like anyone would want to hire a deaf guy." The way he said it showed that he cared more than he'd let on at first, but I'd already gathered that from previous little remarks I'd ignored on purpose.

"If you don't have a job," I continued, "then how did you get the money?"

"Savings." He explained. "Preventers make good money."

That made sense. Still, there was one more question bothering me. "Why didn't you just tell me you got fired?"

He looked away from me at that and it took him a moment to confess, but what he said was something I had not expected in the least. "I was afraid you'd kick me out and I... I kinda like you."

Surely I had heard it wrong? He was muttering so my mind probably just made up the wrong words, right?

"Uh... you what?"

"I like you."

That took a moment to process.

He looked at me with a face I had never seen before, as if begging me to believe it.

"Uh, s-since when...?"

"The war." What? That was more than like... fucking five years ago. "For the sake of the colonies I could not tell you back then." He said it as if that was supposed to make sense but really, nothing made sense at the moment.

"I'm not the Duo from the war, Heero." Geez, could I really not do any better than that? It was the truth, though, the only truth that came to my mind with my heart aching so bad it took up most of the brain functions.

"I know." He answered quietly. "But I think I still like you."

"You, uh... you think?"

"Damn it, Duo, I don't know!" He stood up fast enough to cause the chair toppling backwards and I could hear the distinctive sound of wood breaking. I didn't care, though. I was focussed on Heero as he strode trough the small space and paced back again. "I don't know what to call it, but please, Duo, don't kick me out. I'll get a job soon."

_Don't kick me out, I'll get a job soon?_ Not exactly the most romantic words a guy can say, but my head didn't seem to care. I didn't really want to kick him out and he did have the money to support himself, right? And besides, maybe if he stayed I could get the chance to figure out this strange feeling in my gut.

"Tell ya what, I've been considering hiring some help as the scrap yard is currently doin' quite good, but it'll probably only last a couple of weeks. Why don't you be the one to help me out for now and when it gets too expensive, you can go out job huntin' again. Maybe your hearing will be healed in a few weeks."

* * *

Working with Heero during the day, seeing him in certain positions brought back flashes I could not quite place at that time, but when the night fell, my brain was working overtime. No sooner had I fallen asleep or I would get those same flashes again, now accompanied by images I didn't really want to see, faces I didn't know, battles I suddenly remembered fighting, blood I knew I'd spilled. I'd toss and turn and probably scream as well and then I would wake up, panting, clutching Heero, who'd come over just to me to hold me. I'd do my best not to cry, but every now and then a silent tear fell anyway. He never commented on it, just let me hold him while he held me back. I'd fall asleep in his arms and when morning came, he'd wake me with a drink in time to get to work. 

It was one of those nights again, shortly after Heero started helping me out at the scrap yard. That particular night I dreamt of space. I saw a battle, a colony, and my brain going crazy. I saw my gundam on a screen, being blown up, another suit –one I felt was on our side– blasted away, bullets flew so close to my ears I could hear them pass. The words 'zero system' came to my mind but I could not by the life of me tell you what that was. I just knew it was evil and then a colony blew up, or maybe it was a base, it didn't make sense to me anymore. And then there were pieces of human beings floating everywhere, a bloodied hand here, a crushed leg there, an eye... Then all of a sudden I was in a dark room with the airways cut off and breathing became hard. I tried to reach for my throat, but my shackled hands wouldn't move and I felt life draining out of me. My mind was screaming at me to do something, that it couldn't end this way, that we had to win first but my mind wouldn't listen. And just when I felt I was falling into unconsciousness...

That was when I woke up. In his arms, as usual. He never asked, he didn't need to ask. He must have had a good idea of what was going on inside my head. He'd lived it as well. In his eyes I saw an expression that told me he was unsure of what to do. He held me, he stroked my hair until I had regained my breath and then he offered me a glass of water. I sipped it and put it on the ground before I moved my eyes back up to meet his gaze. He softly touched my face, bringing me upright. From then on everything went hazy, but I could feel his breath on my nose, slowly being lowered. I closed my eyes, not wanting his touch to end and finally...

We kissed.

And it felt good.

Oh yeah, it felt good.

But not half as good as the second kiss, after we'd caught our breath.

Then my eye fell on my watch, telling me it was morning already and I was way late today. I cursed loudly and pushed him away as I stumbled to find my shirt, which he casually handed to me. Then we left for work.

The day passed as normal, we worked hard, made a little money and avoided the subject. Then we went home, we ate, we fell asleep, but when I woke up, I was in his arms once again. As usual, I didn't remember getting there, but I stopped caring about the how when he kissed me again and told me to go back to sleep.

After that I invited him to my bed when I went in. It was the most logical step to take considering he'd be there in the mornings anyway and it felt good to know I had someone close by to comfort me.

He never asked about the nightmares, he gave me the space to deal with it myself. I was quite content about that. How do you tell your lover –or boyfriend or whatever we were– that you have nightmares sometimes even about him killing other people or you killing him or him killing you? I doubt he would take that very well.

He did tell me that if I had any questions regarding details I could always ask him, but I was quite hesitant to do that. Maybe it was for the best if I tried figuring things out by myself first. Or maybe I was just prolonging things. I really didn't want to remember.

We developed a sexual relationship as well. It felt really good just being with him, it was as if we were meant to be a team. At first I was surprised at how well we could avoid any kind of awkwardness when we worked together at the scrap yard, while at night we were lovers to each other, but it worked out. We didn't exactly live in a great house and we couldn't even afford to adopt kids anywhere in this future, but I felt like I was living my dream. Heero even got the impression his hearing was improving.

Of course, a dream is but a dream and in reality, dreams always come to an end.

* * *

It happened well in the fifth month after Heero had showed up. A couple of official-looking men came to the scrap yard, men with guns. Now I was no fan of guns and I wasn't really hot for officials either. Whatever they were here for, they couldn't do my business any good. Cops gave companies bad reputations and though some of my neighbouring scrap yard owners seemed to live off that bad reputation, I was certainly not one of them. 

Heero was currently out, he was still the one taking care of the groceries, when they showed up. They approached me, three men looking like they owned the world. And what was worse, they introduced themselves as preventors.

"Are you Mr. Duo Maxwell?"

"Yes, I am" No point denying it. "Why?"

"Sir," The tallest of the three, a blond guy, somewhere mid-thirties I guessed spoke up, flashing some sort of badge before my eyes. "I'm Bob Jeffers and these are my colleagues Chang and Smith. We're preventers and we're looking for a certain man. We're currently just checking every acquaintance and former-acquaintance of him to be sure."

An acquaintance of mine?

"Do you know," the man continued, "anyone who goes by the name of Heero Yuy?"

My eyes grew wide just by hearing that name. They wanted Heero? But why? What'd he done? He kept in contact with Lady Une trough e-mail each Sunday, he left the scrap yard each Sunday for that. Anything she wanted with him could be dealt with trough the mail, right?

Or wait, maybe this was because he was getting his hearing back? Was that it? Did they want him to go back with them so the doctors could treat him now? That had to be it, right? But then why all this formality? Surely they could've looked less official for that. They were wrecking my business!

"Please, Duo," a second man, a not too tall Asian guy spoke up. "It's a standard procedure. Just co-operate and you'll never have to see us again."

I raised an eyebrow as I looked the man over. "And you are...?"

He seemed surprised by that. "Wufei." He said. "Chang Wufei. Don't you recognise me?"

"Should I?"

He snorted. "We only fought a war together."

Ah, more people from the war. Great. Someone up there must really hate me. He didn't seem to care about what I thought, though, judging by the serious look on his face.

"Duo, this is a serious matter. Have you lost your memory or something?"

"Or something." I muttered under my breath, cursing this situation silently. "Look, I just wanted to forget the war and all that's happened so no, I'm sorry but don't know who you are."

He seemed ready to respond to that when a voice called out. "Duo! I'm back!"

Heero.

He didn't know we had visitors until he saw them. If I had considered screaming to him to leave I would have wasted my breath, for he wouldn't have been able to hear it anyway. Grocery bag in his arms, the moment he looked this Chang guy in the eyes, his face turned stone cold and I just knew something was really, really wrong.

The other two preventers had their guns out already and were aiming for Heero now. Chang reached for his gun as he started speaking. "Heero!" The surprise in his voice was obvious, but he showed no hesitation as he, too, pointed his gun in the direction of my lover. "Heero, there's no need for violence, just come with us quietly and we'll sort things out at the station."

I watched how my lover remained frozen, staring back harsh with a look that could do me naught but bring back memories. I saw his face in front of me and unconsciously I stepped back as I saw him raise a gun at me.

'_You're really going to shoot me, aren't ya?'_

I was drawn back out of the memory by Chang's voice, which sounded once more. "Just put the bag down slowly and raise your hands."

I watched Heero slowly going trough his knees as he set down the groceries, his eyes never leaving the Asian man. I watched as he got back up again, slowly, his hands held semi-relaxed in front of his chest. I watched how he stood up straight, glaring at the preventers and I watched how they started approaching him.

And then I watched him bolt.

In no time the three preventers were giving chase. I just stood there, still not quite understanding or believing what was going on. Heero, my boyfriend Heero, my war buddy Heero was wanted by the preventers? But why? He worked for them. And what was this Chang guy saying about us fighting together. Had we fought together? His face seemed vaguely familiar and I knew I was a long way from retrieving all my locked away memories but he did have this, this air about him that just made me wonder.

I didn't notice they'd returned until I felt a hand on my shoulder. As if acting on instinct I jerked away.

"Duo, are you listening to me?"

I frowned as I directed my gaze to the Asian man next to me. "Huh?"

"I said, Heero got away."

My brain neglected to process that bit of information immediately, but the Chang guy gave me a moment to get it trough. Heero got away, okay. Got away from what?

The hand appeared on my shoulder again, this time the hold was a bit stronger than before. "I'm going to have to request you come with us."

This was a mess, a huge mess. My boyfriend obviously had neglected to tell me something, like the reason he was being chased by authorities. He was a wanted man now and I was not looking at the best of nights ahead of me either.

And all I could think of was that my business was screwed.

End of part II

Yes, I'm aware I go fast with the story, in this chapter they get together AND Duo finds out Heero is the bad guy. I have this problem more often. The story has prologue, chap1, chap2, epilogue for ppl who were wondering.)

To **Indentured**: If you're reading this, I'm very interested in your opinion, construtive criticism etc. Even if this is fanfiction, I do write original fiction as well and comments will only improve my writing. So, let me kow what you think is bad as well as what you believe is good. Where was it amateurely-blended and how could I improve? That's what writing is all about, ne? Thanks for the review anyway!

princess


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own gundam wing

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Warning: DEATH OF CHARACTER!

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Silent motions: Chapter 2

"Are you still saying you don't remember about the war?"

The small room was empty but for a table and three chairs. The mirror on the side wall was probably so people from the room next to us could look inside, but I chose to ignore that fact. I just wanted to know what the hell was going on here. I wasn't officially arrested, so I didn't get handcuffed, but it was damn clear I was not supposed to resist.

"Are you still saying I'm supposed to know you?"

The Asian man sighed as he sat down. He reached inside his pocket and took out a picture, which he showed me. On it I saw five boys, one I recognized as myself, the other one was Heero. My mind seemed to recognize two of the others as Quatre and Trowa, the ones I had, up till now, not been able to give a face. The fifth boy was an Asian one and he looked quite like the one sitting opposite of me. His hair was longer in the picture, but the dark eyes were just as piercing.

"That's us?"

He was looking at me, I didn't need to see it to confirm, I could feel his eyes upon me. "That's us five Gundam pilots."

"Gundam pilots..." I knew I had been named zero-two and Heero had been zero-one. So there had been five... My mind was working overtime right now and I could feel a headache getting up. I rubbed my forehead in futile attempt to ease the pain. "Chang... Wufei Chang... Dragon clan?"

I raised an eyebrow as I looked up at him and he seemed satisfied. So I'd hit the right spot here. "You know Heero is in there, right?"

"Yeah, I remember Heero from there. Now will you please tell me what is going on?"

The blond man took this as his cue to speak up. "We first need you to answer some questions."

Questions? I was full of questions, it wasn't more questions I was looking for, I wanted answers, damn it! But I could hardly tell them that. Shit, they were preventers, they were like the law.

"When did you meet with Heero Yuy?"

I snorted. "In the war?"

The blond man glared at me and was about to retort something witty when Wufei cut in. "We mean, when did he come to L2?"

"Couple of months ago." I answered. "Why? What did he do?"

But my questions were obviously not important enough. "What did he come for?"

"I dunno." I was really starting to get irritated. "He was sent on a holiday and thought he could stay with me."

"Just like that?" the blonde snorted. "After all that time?"

I glared at them. "Yes, just like that. If you don't believe me why even bother asking?"

"Heero Yuy, as you most likely figured out already, is a wanted man."

Yeah duh, I'd figured that out long ago, I wasn't that stupid! What did they take me for? "What did he do then?"

"I will explain everything to you later," Wufei answered, putting me off again. "But first I am still wondering, if he was on a vacation, why didn't you get suspicious when he was still here after months?"

You've got to be kidding me. "He said he was on 'vacation' or something" I stressed the word vacation with my fingers, "until his hearing showed improvement, which it was just starting to do."

The two men –the silent guy wasn't present here– Glanced at each other and the blond motioned for Wufei to step outside for a moment. It seemed to take quite a while before they returned, but it was probably only minutes. I was getting quite anxious now and I really wanted to know what was going on.

The door opened and the two men stepped in again, Chang carrying a mug with coffee, which he handed to me. The coffee was black, just as I preferred it and it was scary to think he knew that about me while I could barely remember him.

"I'll be straight with you, Duo," Chang said after giving me a moment to sip my coffee, "We need to catch Heero Yuy fast and we need your help doing so."

I stared at the two men. That sounded more like a demand than a request. "And if I refuse?" The last thing I needed was more preventers showing up at the scrap yard. My closing early today could already have cost me a potential good client; I wasn't waiting for more trouble along the way.

"You can refuse to help willingly," Chang nodded, "But we can not just let you go if you refuse."

"And on what grounds would you be holding me then?" I was scared shitless, but I did know how to play this game. This wasn't a war where you could just imprison everyone you disliked and label them as an enemy. Unless they had some kind of proof there was nothing they could do to keep me here and I was still quite clueless as to what was going on so I doubted they had much to hold against me.

"Please listen to us first, Duo, we're not the enemy here."

I snorted. "And Yuy is?"

"Yes." I wasn't going to believe it, not when they refused to say why. "Let me explain." Okay, so there came the explanation. I put down my mug and folded my hands beneath my chin. I was all ears.

"I'll start at the beginning, Duo, or at least from where you left on your own after the war. I heard from Winner that you visited Yuy in the hospital when he was unconscious, am I correct?"

I nodded. I had some vague memory of this visit.

"Yuy fully recovered from his injuries and was asked to join the preventers. He refused the offer at first, but accepted after 18 months of trying to find his way on his own. We even started working together on some assignments.

"But Yuy had his mind still on the war and he clearly didn't mind making sacrifices for the sake of what he labeled as 'the greater good'. Many a time innocents died or got injured while it could have been prevented had he chosen less violent measures. In the end Une put him behind a desk and assigned him a psychologist. This man stated that Yuy had some kind of post-war syndrome and started giving medication in hopes of him being able to deal with his past. Do you understand so far?"

I nodded. It was a lot to take in and I had to take a sip of my still too hot coffee, but I was following it so far. Post-war syndrome, not being able to put your past behind you. I'd tried it the opposite way, I just forgot it all.

"The medications Yuy got," Wufei continued, "Were quite heavy and he was prohibited to do field work for a while. As a result of that, he started working less, according to the psychologist he had worked out some kind of schedule to speed his recovery and he needed more spare time and more rest to follow it. So more time is what we gave him.

"Then, after almost a year, we got the message that Yuy was as good as healed and that he was seen fit enough to start with some field work again. This was about ten months ago. We didn't want to rush things so we put him at the desk for three more months, giving him enough time to train in the gym before he was assigned a mission with me again. That was where his hearing was damaged."

I nodded. I understood it so far, but what I didn't understand is why they were chasing Heero. I had yet to hear a valid reason and if my counting was right, he'd come to L2 not long after that mission Wufei was speaking of. At least that part fitted what little Heero had told me.

"I've worked with Yuy for a long time now, Maxwell." Wufei continued, his voice dropping a tone or two. His face looked even more serious than it had before. "I am quite capable of judging his behavior by now and his behavior during this assignment was anything but normal. He seemed more on the edge, but I figured that was just because he had been out of it for so long.

"However, when the time came nearer for us to enter and make the arrest, he grew more and more nervous. By lack of better description, he 'screwed up big time,' Duo. He managed to have a whole building collapse because of explosions. Where there should have been about ten people arrested, there were over a hundred deaths and countless people injured."

That was unlike the Heero I knew. Surely they weren't speaking of my boyfriend, right? I

mean, how could they be, not once in these past five months had he tried anything violent on me. Okay, so he could loose his temper when something got stuck, but he usually just kept to cursing and pulling. I just could not see him hurt anyone. The war was over. I thought he had been glad about that.

Something just didn't completely fit.

"You're telling me that all this is because of that incident?"

"Not exactly."

A small pause fell and by lack of a better idea, I grabbed the mug and took another sip of my coffee. The temperature was almost perfect now.

"His behavior at this assignment was different from what he had been like earlier and Yuy's disappearance made sense once we'd interrogated one of the terrorists whom had survived the incident. Do you remember Trowa Barton?"

Trowa, yes, I remembered him. I glanced at the picture still lying on the table. "The circus guy?"

Wufei nodded. "He was the terrorist we captured. We cannot indulge you in too many details, but he declared that for the past year, Yuy had been working as an assassin for the same crime organization as him. In fact, Trowa was the one to get him in, as the organization consisted mostly of war criminals and former soldiers. Men who couldn't, for one reason or another manage to adapt to the peaceful life. We can speculate it was for that reason Yuy had been so nervous, why he had caused the building to collapse, he never wanted to catch those people. He wanted to silence anyone who could identify him."

I couldn't believe my ears. Were they telling me my lover was a terrorist? Well, he had, at one time, been just that, but I'd had no lesser part in that either. But that was years ago, there was no way my Heero could be the same one they were speaking of.

"Duo, are you all right?"

No, I was not fucking all right! How dare those guys just waltz into my life and take away the one thing that I could hold onto after all these years of emptiness! It wasn't fair, it was just not fair! How could they be so certain that Heero had been this 'bad guy' as they'd labeled him? What more did they have to go on than just the word of a criminal? Surely they could not be solely relying on that?

"Duo, I'm sorry, but Trowa showed us enough reason to arrest Heero." As if the devil was listening in on my thoughts. Mad as I was, I shoved the chair backwards roughly only to have it fall on the floor with a loud bang. The blond guy made a move to get up as well, but Chang withheld him from that by placing a hand on his arm. I ignored the two as I started pacing my side of the small interrogation room, cursing in whatever language I knew. I felt like hitting something and as the chair on the ground was the only thing available –and horribly in my way– I kicked it once, twice, three times until it ended up on their side of the room. I didn't really want to follow it there as I saw the warning look I got from both officers. Instead I moved to the wall furthest away from them and leaned back against it, closing my eyes.

Luckily –whether for me or for them I hadn't quite figured out– they allowed me whatever time I needed to calm myself down. Once I had my breathing under control again I opened my eyes, hoping my glare was as cold as I felt inside. Damn it. I didn't want this! Not now! Not when things were finally starting to look good for me again!

Surely, this was all a mistake, right? I mean, it had to be, Une must've given Heero some sort of top-secret undercover mission, or he had done it all on his own, all the while collecting information to destroy the organization. It had to be that, or something like it. I just couldn't believe that my Heero was the man they described him to be.

"Is there anything else I need to know?" I practically sneered, "Like the reason you're telling me all this?"

Wufei glanced at his partner before got up to he pick up the chair I'd kicked away and put it back in its place. He resumed his position at the other side of the table. "Why don't you sit down and calm yourself, Maxwell." He gestured to the chair.

Well fuck him! I didn't feel like sitting down in a fucking chair, I fucking felt more like murdering him at this moment! Of course, I realized that was not a smart move to make. "Just tell me what else there is."

"All right." Wufei sighed. "I told you he most likely blew up the building to cover his tracks, right?" I nodded. Just get to the damn point! "If Heero worked under the codename we suspect him to have worked under, he has a history of silencing anyone who knows too much about him."

My eyes grew wide. If it weren't for the wall supporting my back, I was certain I would have fallen to the ground. I felt my knees get weak as my mind raced over every possible interpretation of those words, only to come up with the same one every time.

Were they implying Heero was going to kill me?

No way. There was no way. Heero loved me, he... we... we did all these things together and we worked together and we trusted each other. I loved him and he loved me back!

A nightmare, that had to be what I was experiencing, just another nightmare. A few more minutes and I would wake up and I would feel his arms around me, protecting me from any danger that could possibly be, holding me, caring for me, loving me... Killing me? I wouldn't believe it.

My eyes must have showed my emotions, for by the time my body was ready to collapse, Wufei was right next to me to catch me. He gently sat me down, leaning against the wall. My coffee mug was offered to me by the blond guy, I took it, I drank from it. The coffee was too cold now; it was spoilt. I didn't care though, I felt like I really needed the caffeine.

"I'm sorry to have to ask this of you," the blond man's voice sounded, "but do you have any idea where Yuy could be right now?"

I shook my head as I swallowed the last bit of barely hot liquid.

"You have absolutely no idea whatsoever?"

I managed to glare at the man. "I have to work near 24/7 to keep a business running, I got no time to baby-sit anyone!"

I didn't care whether he got angry with me for my reaction, but found myself a little surprised when all he did was nod and straighten back up.

"Duo," Wufei spoke silently, "we can take the measures necessary to ensure your safety. We have a hotel room for the night, we can post guards wherever you want them and we will arrange a shuttle off this colony first thing tomorrow."

A weak 'no' escaped my lips, but Chang ignored it.

"Quatre has offered to lend us one of his estates, you'll be safe there, maximum security will be around you until we catch..."

"NO!"

The grip on my empty coffee mug was tight enough to keep it from flying away, instead I nearly smashed it against the wall.

"I don't want any fucking security! I just wanna get the hell out of here and get back to my life and my scrap yard to save what's left to save of it after the scene you made there! I don't want any safety-measures around me and I certainly don't want to ever have to see your faces again!"

"Duo, please listen to me, if..."

"No!" I refused to hear any more. "I don't want your fucking security, Heero won't kill me, unlike you, I am a friend!" I saw the hurt those words caused Chang and I decided to swallow my next remark.

I didn't need to say any more, for Wufei stood up and backed away a few steps. I didn't miss the glance in the mirror's direction, confirming my suspicion that it was a one-way window.

"Very well." Wufei said, looking down at me. "I'll let you go back to your scrap yard, but on one condition." I looked up at him suspiciously. "You will co-operate with us so that if Yuy does decide to come after you, for whatever reason he may have, you will help us catch him."

* * *

There was time to think. I went home immediately, I'd already closed the scrap yard for the day when Wufei requested my coming with him. It was strange, coming home to an empty cottage, no-one there waiting for me with a warm plate of food, no-one there to smile at me, to let me talk to, no-one there to fill the emptiness I felt inside. But that was nothing compared to the mere thought of sleeping alone. It had been months since I'd done that and I knew I just wouldn't be able to fall asleep like that. So, as I had done before Heero entered my life again, I settled on the couch with a blanket, watching TV. My mind kept seeing Heero, though. 

I eventually did slumber asleep, only to wake up with a nightmare so bad I hadn't had it months. Ever since Heero joined me in my bed, I was at least able to sleep trough the night, him silently comforting my body, reassuring my mind whenever those horrible blooded images came up again. But there was no Heero this time, so when I woke up at four in the morning, after only two or three hours of sleep, I felt so alone it hurt in my chest. I closed my eyes again, trying to feel Heero's arms around me but my imagination just couldn't compare to the real thing.

From that day on, I was like a ghost. I went to work, did what was necessary to ensure it was safe, that people believed I was not involved with anything illegal. I made up some kind of story about Heero in the hopes of calming down my neighbors, but it didn't really matter to me anymore. Heero was gone and that was that. Without him, my life held just as much meaning as it had before he'd showed up, which was basically down to none. Business went bad, but I didn't care. I had saved enough money to make it at least another month or two, but I didn't care what happened after that. I didn't care about anything anymore as I closed myself off more with each hour I was separated from him.

I didn't have to wait two months, just a couple of weeks. He didn't show up at my scrap yard, he was waiting for me back home.

It was on a Wednesday, I knew that much, for my shower routine had never changed. I didn't notice the door being ajar and if I had, I wouldn't have thought anything of it. I knew I was as worthy as a living dead guy was and it wouldn't have been the first time I let the door stand open.

I didn't even notice the figure on the couch as I headed for the shower, only when I returned to settle myself in front of the TV did I see him there.

My first instinct was to... I didn't know. I didn't know what to do, but I knew, even though I couldn't see any features, that it was Heero. I knew that much on instinct. Once he realized I'd noticed him he got up and stepped into the light, where I could see him. I noticed he was standing between the door and me, so bolting was not an option for me. Not that I really wanted to, I just wanted an explanation

"Are you here to silence me?" My voice was colder than I'd wanted it to be, but the words were cruel and not supposed to be said as an invitation.

His eyes widened for a moment as if he was hurt by the mere suggestion. "I could never do that, Duo."

I narrowed my eyes, more to myself than to his answer. This was Heero, he had come back to me, then why was I feeling so cold inside? I had dreamt of this, hadn't I? Of him coming back to me because he loved me and now that he was here... why did it all feel so fake? Like betrayal.

"Then why are you here?" It was a whisper, afraid to hear the truth.

"To be with you." The answer came as he looked at me with those intense eyes. "I have arranged everything, Duo. A shuttle, disguises, everything. We can be off this colony tomorrow and spend the rest of our lives together, if only you'll come with me."

I looked at him with eyes as cold as stone. "So it is true." I said, the hurt clearly showing in my voice. "Chang was telling the truth, you have become a terrorist."

"I'm sorry for that, Duo, but it doesn't matter anymore. Not as long as you're with me."

"No." I shook my head and stepped back, holding on to the last piece of feeling I felt inside of me. "Tell me it isn't true, Heero," I begged him, "tell me it was all just some bad dream or some cover up or... or… I don't know, just tell me it isn't true!"

He bowed his head and I could barely hear his whisper. "It's true."

"You liar!" I felt like I exploded inside as I strode towards him and punched him square in the face. "Everything you've said to me, about your vacation, about preventers, about your life. Lies! They were all lies! Just to get me in your bed, wasn't it? That must've been the whole thing all along, poor Duo Maxwell can suit my needs while I play this game of terrorist once again! Damn it, Yuy! What do you think I am, an unbreakable doll?"

I was panting by now and he was stumbling to get up. He must've missed part of what I'd said in the meantime for his eyes darted from my lips to the surroundings a couple of times. I didn't care though. He had betrayed me, he had lied to me and the betrayal I felt burned so deep, I just didn't care anymore.

"It's not all been a lie, Duo." He said as he finally managed to stand up straight. "I never lied about my feelings for you." He said it as if it was the most sane thing he'd ever said and I wanted to believe it, oh god, I wanted it to be true. But that voice inside my head, telling me this was all a lie as well just refused to shut up. I had to get the hell out of there.

Then I remembered the little device Wufei had given me. He wouldn't have let me go unless I took it with me. Damn it, where had I left it again? The couch. It sounded so appealing. I rubbed my forehead and headed for the couch, muttering I needed to sit down. He saw the look on my face and stepped aside, no longer blocking my only way out. I sat down, but didn't look for the device, the knowledge it was near me was enough to calm me for now. I hadn't decided on what to do just yet.

Heero disappeared into the kitchen and returned moments later with a glass of water. He handed it to me and I warily took it. My fingers and his touched briefly and I felt his cold skin on mine. I remembered how we'd laid together in bed, him holding me because I needed to be held and me snuggling into him because his body was so in need of the warmth my skin could give him.

"Please consider coming with me, Duo. We won't have to run forever, we can build a new life somewhere, away from this colony, wherever we want.

I stared at him as I drank the water slowly. Then I set the glass down. "I can't Heero, I don't want to any more. How do I know I can trust you after everything that has happened?"

"Duo! I love you, I want to be with you Duo! I've arranged everything just so we can be together, just so I can hold you at night, work along side of you during the day. I want you to be mine and mine alone, Duo and if I can't have you..." His voice died in the dark and I felt my skin standing up straight.

Oh god, he'd really gone insane now. I felt my hand heading for the cushion on the couch as I asked him. "Then what, Heero," I asked, fearing the answer, "then no-one will have me?"

He bowed his head. "I could never do that to you, Duo."

Okay, so maybe there was still some sanity left in there. My hand had slipped under the pillow and it connected with the hard metal. I felt around for the button, but didn't press it immediately once I found it. There had to be some other way, something, anything else we could do.

"Why did you do it, Heero?" He shifted and I saw the light reflect on something metal at his pants. Oh God he had a gun!

I realized it was really to late this time. The thought of him holding a gun made me feel nauseous. I couldn't let him stay like this, he really needed to be helped before he hurt any more people. I pushed the button and thought back to Wufei's words. _'Keep him calm and keep him talking for as long as you can. Once the tracker's is activated, we will be there in mere minutes.'_

So that was what I had to do, I had to keep him talking until they were here.

I vaguely heard him explain that it had been a need to kill, that he hadn't known how to stop, that Trowa had told him of an organization that wouldn't force the peace on him. He told me he'd wanted to step out a couple of times, but the need to work on the adrenaline just kept drawing him in deeper and deeper. And all this time I thought keep talking Heero, keep talking. They'll be here soon, just keep talking.

"How many more victims do you have to make?" I asked him. By that time I'd long since gotten up from the couch. I had made my way in the door's direction, knowing that when Wufei came, his men would be there and I would be safe.

"No more." He said, "I'm done killing. I don't have to kill anymore, at least not when I'm with you." I narrowed my eyes at that, no longer trying to believe him. I heard the distinct sound of a car in the background, but ignored it. "Don't you understand? You're the one thing that kept me sane, your love for me and mine for you made me realize I don't have to kill anymore. It's enough to just be with you."

"And what if one day I'm not enough anymore?" I heard the silent footsteps around the house and knew Wufei had arrived. Heero never noticed, his hearing was still far from good.

"That's never going to happen. I promise." Calm as he said those words, the moment he saw the door open, panic grabbed him. The gun was drawn from his pants in no time and he was aiming it at the three policemen who stood in the door.

They commanded him to put the gun down, saying that the house was surrounded, that he had no escape left but to come with them. Wufei talked to him, but he didn't hear their words. The gun was pointed towards the door, but Heero's eyes were on me.

I could see the hurt in his eyes, I could feel it in my chest. "Why, Duo?' He asked me silently, "Why did you do this?" I kept silent, for no words could give him what he wanted. Heero finally directed his gun to the floor, realizing I wasn't going to help.

I felt my heart ache as I made my way to the door but I didn't exit immediately.

"So this is the choice you make." Heero said, ignoring the orders to drop the weapon and put his gun to his head. I was already guarded by an official, pointing a gun at my one time lover. I turned around, just in time to watch his face go blank.

"If I can't have you..."

It all happened so fast. The sound of a firing gun, his eyes widening, the searing pain in my heart. I watched how his hand loosened around the gun, letting it fall to the ground. The sound of metal connecting with wood was followed by a loud thud. Despite the darkness I could clearly see the red liquid trailing from his head.

I screamed. Hands tried to hold me back, but I broke free and made my way towards my lover. I cursed him, pounded on his still body, yelling at him to come back. How dare he scare me like that! His eyes were open, but his body remained unresponsive. Finally, two sets of hands grabbed my arms and pulled me away from him. Someone held me, comforted me, soothed me, but my mind didn't process. All I saw was Heero standing there, gun in his hand. Those words would hunt my mind forever.

'_If I can't have you...'_

End of part III

Review please! Let me know if you liked it! (epilogue follows)


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own gundam wing

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Silent motions: Epilogue 

_"Time goes, you say? Ah no!  
Alas, time stays, we go..."_

It's been five years and never, not once before did I come to visit you here. Do you hate me for that, Heero? I didn't even come to your funeral, I couldn't. I had to let Wufei tell me how poor a ceremony it was. You didn't have many friends, did you? The ones you had felt betrayed after the truth came out and so they just didn't show when you were to be put underground for the rest of your death.

You were quite the bad boy, Heero. For a while I tried blaming it on the war, but I know that was not all fair. Sure, it's played a role. J's conditioning played a role as well, but I doubt they could have influenced your personality to such extremes.

You had a temper, Heero. Whenever adrenaline got you warmed up, you were all for action. Only afterwards did you stop to let realization of what our actions had caused strike you with full force. But whether you'd achieved your goal or had screwed up big time considering the intentions of a mission, it never held you back. You longed for action, you always needed more. You needed to know you could make a difference, however small it was.

I felt it even on L2, I felt how you missed the action. Settling down just wasn't your thing. Maybe you were even... content –it is not exactly the word I'm looking for but it'll do– when they came to hunt you down, for it did mean action. After months of the quiet life, just living, knowing you didn't really mean much to anyone –anyone but me– I saw you grow restless, however slight. At that time, I had chosen to ignore it, though.

But God, the way you looked at me when you came to take me with you, away from preventers, away from L2. I was scared, Heero. Not once before had I seen you like that, not even during the war. Oh, I remember it now, Heero. By then I remembered it all again; the missions, the fighting, the goal, the deaths. But that moment you came back for me, I would rather fight a thousand wars, shed a million tears than seeing you like that again. And you know what? That movie thing, where within a second you're supposed to see your life flashing before your very eyes? Didn't happen. All I saw was you and the gun and a blurring background of the cottage which for years I'd called my home.

I left L2, did you know that? There was a bounty on your head and since I'd been the one to lead to your... capture, I was entitled to that money. I felt bad for taking it, I refused it at first, but so much had happened by then. I could no longer live in my own home without seeing you there, without being reminded of you. In the mornings I could barely find the will to get up and move my ass to that scrap yard for another hard day of work, only to come home to a place that would forever smell of blood. Your blood.

Wufei remained on L2 for a couple of weeks after your death and kept offering the money to me. I think somehow he saw I needed to get away from the life that you'd entered and left. In the end, I took the money, calming my conscience by reminding myself of that promise I'd made to Hilde on her deathbed. I promised her I wouldn't stay on L2 forever, I promised her that one day when my ship came in, I'd sell the whole deal and find myself a better way to live.

You got me off L2, Heero. Not in the way you had meant to, but I could leave thanks to you. Well, at the expense of you more like it. God, that sounds hard.

I went to live on the earth and you know what? I live only six blocks down from here. I could've walked up here and visited this place whenever I wanted, but I never did. I avoided it, knowing what I would find here, finality, your death, my past, everything I had once wished I would never have to deal with again.

Considering all that, I might as well tell you why, today of all days, I decided it was finally time.

Trowa gets out of prison today.

You remember Trowa, right? He's the one who sold you out. By sacrificing you and many others, he was able to gain a minimum sentence, in a maximum security prison. Five years is all he got and he gets out on 'good behavior' too. I bet, with his selling all of you out he could've killed half the prisoners and still get out on 'good behavior'.

I haven't seen him since the war ten years ago. He was then sixteen-or-so, just a teenager, like we all were. I have no idea what he looks like now, but I can't say I really care. I hated him for what he did to you, when Chang convinced me to stop blaming myself for all that had happened I used him as a substitute to be blamed for your death. But really, that wasn't all fair, for dead as you are, you should take some of the blame too. Maybe I could squeeze Une and Chang in the guilt trip as well.

Really, what's the use of blaming anyone? It won't change the outcomes, it won't bring you back from the dead and it won't bring us together again. We will never be together again and I realize that, for neither you nor I ever really believed in a place such as heaven or hell.

I moved on, you know, or at least I tried my best. Here on earth laws are much better, much more sophisticated that they were on L2. The government sponsors scholars here so I managed to get an education. I started doing 'fun' things again now that I no longer had to work my butt off. I hated it at first, I hated this whole life for I'd been independent since way before you came to find me and all of a sudden I was being offered help from all sides. Worst of all was the fact that I had to work for someone else now. I got fired four times before I managed to compromise and realize I was no longer the one in charge of whatever place I worked.

I started dating too, you know. I found a couple of good guys I could have a laugh with and I even fell in love once or twice. But so far nothing lasted very long. I have yet to find a person who can make me as whole as you did. Or maybe I've just set my standards too high. Maybe after today, after coming here, I can indeed finally close this chapter of my life.

And who knows, maybe after this day I can finally find the strength to forgive myself.

End of part IV, End of story

THE END

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Hello! I hope you enjoyed reading this story! please let me know what you think of it.

princess


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